Wishing

I decided I would wish today. What do I wish for? I wish I had a personality that would convey calm and peace into the lives of those I know and love. Because I wish that for them. Calm, steadiness, peaceful nights.
I wish I could say to their faces instead of in a blog how much I care about my families. My father is a cynical and cool man. Its all he can do to get a shoulder hug in. But I know he loves me. I try to tell him. He doesn't like presents so its hard to give him anything that makes him smile. So, I call . We have a glass of wine together and I let him tell me his version of the earth and whats going on.
And my nieces, nephews, in laws, step-daughter. I married into this very interesting family and my husband gave me these people to know. Its been one of my greatest gifts. They don't understand how much I love them. They are different from each other. Each has enormous talents. They all give great joy to me as I observe how they travel through burdens, through daily tasks.
My sister in law is a mother and a teacher. She has more creativity in her little finger than I will ever have . She thinks deeply and cares deeply about her beliefs. She finds ways to teach her middle schooler's so social thought and history come alive. Ive often wanted to be her student so I could learn and do the assignments. Save me from middle school life though!
And her children. They are adults now, even the youngest. They turned in to people who are interested in life, engaged in other people, want to make the world a better place. None of them are cynical, or jaded, or selfish. Each of them have smiles, and ways of doing things that make me laugh, get excited, follow eagerly for the next installment in their lives.
And my step-daughter. What a pot of unbosomed talent. She is smart, beautiful, caring and hasn't even begun to find the depth of her own talents. I hope big things for her. I hope she sees her own worth reflected in her children's eyes. She fought so hard to bring them up as decent people with a sense of family and responsibility. She brought them up to love one another and care for each other, to give the little guy a break.They will never be alone for life's trials because of how she taught them to care for each other.
And I wish for my husband great peace and restfulness, and many years of uninterrupted Green Bay Packer football games.
And I wish for world peace. And uninterrupted days of creativity for fabric designers . And lots of food for people in Somalia. And I wish for a year long power outage in DC so they would all go home and get new perspectives on life.

There is so much of interest going on in life. I find it hard to write about any of it as I cant pick one topic. Maybe that's just the thing. Life, despite the economic crisis is incredible.
The sun is just easing its way above the horizon, turning the gray clouds and surrounding mountain ridges a soft yellow,with a dusky deep blue arising and a hint of ballerina skirt pink. The air is cool and crisp. The pumpkins in all their orangeness are waiting to be turned into stunning Halloween spectacles. And the new kitten is really making our older cat mad!
I'm eagerly awaiting conversation over coffee with our friends. My husband declined the chance to "spend a little time talking with your wife". For some reason, he thought his toasty bed was more appealing than a chat. And even the challenge of belt tightening for a few years doesn't scare me. I think of of as a challenge. OK, its like dieting. You cant continue to cheat and loose weight. So we pay off debt, avoid buying any big new stuff for awhile. Get creative with dinner and spend time with family and friends. Make sure our indulgences are paid for and well thought out. And sort out our national priorities. Pay attention to local government policies. Walk the neighborhood and participate in our neighbors lives. Be a community again. Maybe Ill find some unexpected nuggets of gold right in front of me, on this very path...like seeing the sunset, like seeing the smile on a child's face, like examining the stitches on a quilt that was made by an acquaintances long passed away mother and realizing the threads and fabric are still here...life is real..and ongoing...and now.

Family Ties

In my mothers family, we lost a wonderful member this week. My 61yr old Uncle Ron died of a sudden heart attack last Sunday. His wife and 4 adult children have never been without him. No one ever thought of Uncle Rod without a smile on their face. He chuckled, he laughed, he joked, he was a funny man. He also was a minister for many small churches after he found his religious calling many years ago. He was the greatest of men.
Which brings me to muse about families. We have our difference. Some of them "wide" if you will. Faith, politics, beliefs and ideals separate us if we let them. Modern living is not always conducive to "staying close" to your family. Its so easy to be too busy. And then someday too busy becomes too late. If your family has differences in immediate goals, has busy lives,has miles of distance...try not to let that separate the foundation of your love for them. Make that call, send pictures, stay in touch even if its a bother, push past those incidents of disagreement. Find a way to make contact.
I think about what it would feel like if I really were alone. Who would I miss and why? Quite a scary exercise. But it sharpens your focus. What am I depending on that person for in my life? Why do I need them so much? And what do I need to say to them TODAY?

Women and Aging

I have women friends who are aging. One person is very concerned with this process. She is not happy with the slight soft sag of her cheeks, the laugh lines that accumulate around eyes and mouth. She fights it. Grumps about aging; diets, exercises. She is unhappy about her age. And yet she is very beautiful.She looks 20 years younger than her passport must state. She has traveled and raised good human beings and had a career. She ages next to a husband who is lively and well and handsome and interested in her. Why this rage at aging? What do these signals mean to her?
Several other women come to mind who are similar in age. No pretense. Yes , wouldnt we all like to keep the tight buttocks of our teen years. But would our faces then reflect all the wonderous things we've seen and done?
One of my favorite 'girls' wears little makeup. Her laugh lines are prominent. Her eyes light up when she talks. Her hips are rounder than when I first met her. She became a Grandma this year. And now there is a slightly softer spot on her thighs to cuddle the bundle of joy who will look so like her someday.
Our DNA mistakes add up. The toll of our lifestyles settles into our lines. Our indulgences do tell. Somehow, I dont mind too much. I dont feel I have to compete with younger, fitter women. I want my face to have wrinkles . I hope I get lots of laugh lines.

Going to the Sea

I have a fridge magnet that says "I go to the sea to breathe". We are going to the ocean soon and I always feel excited about that first deep slow breath of salt tinged cool air. And the first peek of slate gray coastline.
The Pacific Ocean is a powerful place....the rugged rocks, twisty coastal roads, the long open beaches ( thanks oregon legislature). Some of my earliest memories are from the beach. My grandparents used to take me to go agate hunting. I remember being so awhirl at finding the perfect pearl like translucent rock. Each pebble was a jewel of course worthy of any national treasury. We would take home these treasures in our sand littered jacket pockets, and put them in Grandpas tumbler. Out would come magnificent shiny stones that sat in the palm of our hands glistening, better than any gold nugget. I still have a small tin of polished stones. And each time I feel the cool smooth touch of these polished agates across my hand, Im instantly back on the beach, my back turned upwind, my jacket hood up, my eyes shining; , calling "Grandpa, look, LOOK!"

What to do with grandmas stuff?

We collect things throughout our lives that we find meaningful. Most of our junk is just stuff thats fun to have. Then we inherit grandmas stuff. The old blanket that you napped under when you were three. The vase she use to put daffodils in on her kitchen table. A pin she used to always put on her winter coat lapel.

What happens to these items when we to pass, and the original memory passes as well. They are after all just objects, and many times not valuable.

And when you have no children to tell the tales of those lazy naps at grandmas house, it seems a sad passing.
No one will care that the double wedding ring quilt, slightly tattered at the edges, was the race track you won the Indy 500 on - While sleeping soundly of course. And the little glass black vase with poorly painted roses was what Grandpa gave Grandma on their wedding day as a gift. How sad that it will be passed up for a quarter at the Good will. And just looking at the Desert Rose plates brings the smell of Turkey dinner to mind.

They are all just things you know. But maybe those memories are adrift out there and will jog a smile from someone when it bumps into their dreams when they are napping on that quilt they found at an estate sale or the pie will taste extra yummy off the desert plate they found at an antique store.

How to be 50 people

I hate having to make choices in life. I wish I could be 50 people and be in 50 different places at once. Ok, maybe only 5 people. That seems more reasonable. So of course I would be the dutiful and loving wife and stay in my town taking care of my husband, my garden, enjoying our togetherness and being with our friends...just enjoying. But then Id be a wonderwoman aunt off to help my nephews wife who just had a baby and is need of a few helping hands....but she is across the country. And then Id be with my other neice who is about to have a baby and needs to put her feet up....and then Id be some super hero nurse and help some family who needs some skilled hands.....And then Id be the care free adventuress careening through Italy and France on my motorbike....and then Id be the great authoress writing deep emotional novels beside a roaring Idaho river that stun the reading public....Oh wait. I forgot! Thats six things. And Im not a very good motorcycle rider yet....and I hate grammer. So maybe Ill just go get my husband a bowl of ice cream and he will smile and I'll know , for today, I made the right choice.