Tomorrow morning I drop off my work phone, my name tag, my nurse bag,and my key. I'm done. No more work. Im retired (again). No more nurse. I have a more profound sense of what it means to be a nurse. It has defined me and given me purpose. This career gave me self worth and value. It made me a far better person, at least at work, than I thought possible.Its scary to give up this inner confidence and value.
On the other hand, I now don't have any excuse for not exploring all the other fun things life has to offer. I get quiet time, and Yoga and exercise time, coffee time, and volunteer time. Maybe...I'll even see if I can compose a grammatical and interesting paragraph or two. I can write real letters to the grandkids and think about family birthdays before (gasp!) they occur. I can learn to cook healthy meals and clean the floors. I can relax. I can read. I can research interesting information...and learn to sew. Really sew not just a wobbly line. And I can find time to discover my man again. I think he might like that. Or not!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Friday, July 31, 2009
Blogging
I spent a few minutes in instant touch with some cousins time zones and thousands of miles away last evening. It wasn't much. A few words. But so important in the ol keep in touch instant world. We are spoiled these days with instant news, instant Internet searches and auto appliances. I LOVE it at the same time bemoaning the good ol days I never knew and in reality dont really want to descend in to.
I'm comforted by the communications, like a nurses fingers on the pulse. On the other hand we loose the thrill of the mailbox delivery and the thoughtful time to write well thought out missives to our loved ones.
I see some interesting letters to the editor written in our local paper. It is only 3 days a week now, likely as Internet news has taken strong hold. But there is nothing like the written word to inflame and motivate. Its concrete! It must be true and accurate. Hmmm.
Where are we going? What path? Whose dropping the crumbs????
I'm comforted by the communications, like a nurses fingers on the pulse. On the other hand we loose the thrill of the mailbox delivery and the thoughtful time to write well thought out missives to our loved ones.
I see some interesting letters to the editor written in our local paper. It is only 3 days a week now, likely as Internet news has taken strong hold. But there is nothing like the written word to inflame and motivate. Its concrete! It must be true and accurate. Hmmm.
Where are we going? What path? Whose dropping the crumbs????
Friday, July 24, 2009
What a journey
I'm contemplatin again! What a wondrous journey this life makes. It seems we strive and strive to get somewhere else and we are never quite happy with here. If only I could get the weeds pulled, or...if only so&so would do this or I could buy that.
I heard from someone dear of late with a big pile of burdens. Her child is gravely and chronically ill. We talked about going on and just getting to tomorrow. I could visualize her path as being a treacherous edge slicked cliff track. There may be some high peaks but most of the time will be scrabbling up the hills.And someone else talked about wanting to spend time looking upon and smelling the flowers.
We endure, we breathe in, we gaze, we enjoy and suffer. We have the privilege of absorbing every sensation and choosing our path. What a journey...what a tale we can tell.
I heard from someone dear of late with a big pile of burdens. Her child is gravely and chronically ill. We talked about going on and just getting to tomorrow. I could visualize her path as being a treacherous edge slicked cliff track. There may be some high peaks but most of the time will be scrabbling up the hills.And someone else talked about wanting to spend time looking upon and smelling the flowers.
We endure, we breathe in, we gaze, we enjoy and suffer. We have the privilege of absorbing every sensation and choosing our path. What a journey...what a tale we can tell.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Thanksgiving
Its Thanksgiving Day for me. I gave a lot of thanks the last few days. My friends survived their resepective motorcycle crashes with minor damage. And I am beyond grateful.
There are people in our lives that floats through, barely causing a ripple...and then there are those who just snatch your heart right from your chest . And for those split seconds when you think they might be over a cliff or in a river or irreparably damaged...your heart stops and life changes forever. You dont get to take their prescence on earth for granted ever again. And I dont. I love every silly conversation and hug I will get. I just hope when I spy their sparkling eyes I dont break any ribs hugging too tight.
There are people in our lives that floats through, barely causing a ripple...and then there are those who just snatch your heart right from your chest . And for those split seconds when you think they might be over a cliff or in a river or irreparably damaged...your heart stops and life changes forever. You dont get to take their prescence on earth for granted ever again. And I dont. I love every silly conversation and hug I will get. I just hope when I spy their sparkling eyes I dont break any ribs hugging too tight.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Rain
Water of life and all that. Nice for the garden but this unusual amount of rain for our area is making me feel like building an arc!!! Haven't been able to mow so I'm now growing giant weeds and grasses. Haven't been able to treat the morning glory in the lawn. The radishes are huge. I finally pulled most of them because I don't even eat the darn things but I always think I have a green thumb when they come up so quickly and grow well!!! The Onions seem to be enjoying themselves. Carrots are finally coming on. I lost one of the pumpkins but wait, where I left an old pumpkin to rot in the flowerbed last fall and planted daisies this spring...Lo! Pumpkins are growing!
I haven't been able to eat enough spinach and lettuce to keep the garden from bolting those greens. It sure is tasty. Not enough warm weather for the watermelon experiment. They look pathetic with one tiny leaf. The zuchini is starting to swell. Basil is good. Must make more sauce!
The tomatoes are waiting for some warmth also. Cauliflower is really beginning to grow but I havent seen any globe like structures yet. Looks like we may have a ton of rasberries this year. I'm looking forward to jam time!!! The front yard landscaping is going slowly. I have a spot that needs "Art". Haven't found the right object so far. Paulette suggested an old ladder and trellis up a rose. Hmmm, maybe. Well, that's the state of things for now. Off to the Hot Springs next week. Looking forward to a good soak.
I haven't been able to eat enough spinach and lettuce to keep the garden from bolting those greens. It sure is tasty. Not enough warm weather for the watermelon experiment. They look pathetic with one tiny leaf. The zuchini is starting to swell. Basil is good. Must make more sauce!
The tomatoes are waiting for some warmth also. Cauliflower is really beginning to grow but I havent seen any globe like structures yet. Looks like we may have a ton of rasberries this year. I'm looking forward to jam time!!! The front yard landscaping is going slowly. I have a spot that needs "Art". Haven't found the right object so far. Paulette suggested an old ladder and trellis up a rose. Hmmm, maybe. Well, that's the state of things for now. Off to the Hot Springs next week. Looking forward to a good soak.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Scarlett said....
Tomorrow will be a better day! Or something close to that. And it is. And somebody else said "this to will pass". (?too). Anyhow, how could anyone not feel better with the sun shining, the garden growing, fresh spinach on their sandwich, and a camping trip to plan!?
I guess some times you just need a day off to contemplate the bad, burnt and bummers. So you can move on. And appreciate every glorious other gift life gives us. Like good friends. And nieces. And gardens. And kitty cats that climb trees.
I guess some times you just need a day off to contemplate the bad, burnt and bummers. So you can move on. And appreciate every glorious other gift life gives us. Like good friends. And nieces. And gardens. And kitty cats that climb trees.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Title Unknown
I enter a bookstore and am transported into the possibility of other worlds. I like books for this reason. I can be happily lost there. And for some time now, lost is where I have been. And not so happily.
Life, as we know it here, is a great and wonderful gift. And to relish its greatness we occasionally must know grief.
Grief is a burden, a tonnage that we each know in our own ways. No one else can lift that burden and drag it along for us. I usually choose to leave grief on its own deep shelf. But occasionally, like Pandora's box , it explodes and out it comes. It leaps before the words on the pages I'm reading, it sits on my chest when I gaze at awe inspiring views, it leaks around my eyes when I sit beside loving friends.
And like my books, I know there is an end. But getting through those heavy chapters....I'd just as soon skip that part.
Grief dissected dissolves into rage, and depression, and loneliness and rejection...all negative. I'd rather linger over the chapters that describe beauty and solace and peace.
We would like to be shown the happy title of our life story. Instead we can only create one chapter at a time. And occasionally we must examine the bleak to get to the end of the paragraph. And its like the un edited manuscript. There is no eraser so if you make a mistake...choose the wrong word...you can't take it back. For us in the here and now, the title is unknown .
What is all this? An outpouring of grief. An attempt to stuff bad ways back into the box. Why must you always have happy face on? Some days you just can't; some days the world just weighs a lot.
Life, as we know it here, is a great and wonderful gift. And to relish its greatness we occasionally must know grief.
Grief is a burden, a tonnage that we each know in our own ways. No one else can lift that burden and drag it along for us. I usually choose to leave grief on its own deep shelf. But occasionally, like Pandora's box , it explodes and out it comes. It leaps before the words on the pages I'm reading, it sits on my chest when I gaze at awe inspiring views, it leaks around my eyes when I sit beside loving friends.
And like my books, I know there is an end. But getting through those heavy chapters....I'd just as soon skip that part.
Grief dissected dissolves into rage, and depression, and loneliness and rejection...all negative. I'd rather linger over the chapters that describe beauty and solace and peace.
We would like to be shown the happy title of our life story. Instead we can only create one chapter at a time. And occasionally we must examine the bleak to get to the end of the paragraph. And its like the un edited manuscript. There is no eraser so if you make a mistake...choose the wrong word...you can't take it back. For us in the here and now, the title is unknown .
What is all this? An outpouring of grief. An attempt to stuff bad ways back into the box. Why must you always have happy face on? Some days you just can't; some days the world just weighs a lot.
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